Why I Do What I Do

In the industry I work in, it is very easy to get cynical. You learn things about people you didn't want to know, you hear things you didn't want to hear. A day becomes just another day and a CD becomes just another CD. Which is why I'm unbelievably thankful when God uses a song, a concert, or a conversation...anything...to remind me why I'm here, why I do what I do, and why I really love it. And He did it again tonight.

I was just driving home after meeting my friend Lindsay for dinner and playing catch up from the last month. Nothing specifically on my mind, but I got almost home when a song came on the radio that I liked, so I turned it up. I started singing along and when got to the line "Gave His life for me, when I could not save myself"..I literally burst into tears. I have had the priviledge of calling myself a Christian for 16 years now, much more than the majority of my life. I don't remember a time when I didn't know the name of Jesus and know what He did for me. And although I do consider that one of the biggest blessings in my life, at times it makes it easy to become desensitized to the fact that Jesus gave his life for me. He died. I cannot fathom why anyone would do that for me. I don't get it. But I think it is the last part of that phrase that hits me the most. "When I could not save myself" It took me a long time to see myself as the strong independent woman, but after awhile, I began to pride myself on it. If something's wrong, I want to fix it. If I need something, I want to provide for myself. But no matter how hard I work...I can't save myself. I can't do it, and more than that, I don't even deserve it. But sometimes, when I'm busy doing, I just need to fall back and let Him save me. And somehow, in singing those 11 words through tears, I felt convicted and undeserving and grateful and relief all at once.

Then, the next song came on. This song I don't know quite as well, but I paid attention to the lyrics for some reason tonight.

If the wind must keep blowing for me to trust in You
Then Lord I will hold on until You see me through
I may not know the purpose for this trial that I face
But don’t let this storm go to waste

Talk about God knowing what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. All of these songs keep coming up in my life, whether it be radio, concert or otherwise. Over the last 3 months, I have felt myself in the middle of a couple different "storms". Some worse than others, some longer than others, but none the less...God is trying to teach me something through them all. As Michael Booth said the other night, alot of times when we're more mature in our faith we can sense these storms coming and know that God's about to break us. At that point you just want to say, ok God...can't you just tell me this time? Must I go through the pain? But we have to go through it. God never promised to get us out of it, He promised to get us through it. And after all, life's about learning to dance in the rain, right?

So....back to the title of this post. For as long as I can remember, I have been teased for the type of music I listen to. And now, not only do I listen to it, I work in it. But this is why. Everything I just talked about is why. I have never listened to any other music (personal opinion) that can break me down in 11 words..all in a song that I've heard plenty of times before. It's what I can turn to when I'm going through the fire and when it takes a storm to make me strong. When I don't have to understand cause God has another plan and He knows how many times around the wheel til there's submission to His will. It helps get you through the hard times and helps you rejoice in the good times. God can use it to convict you and then turn around and encourage you. It is the message of the hope and grace of Christ put to music. And if I can have even a small part in bringing that hope and encouragement to others, then I consider myself blessed. As frustrating as things can get at times and as jaded as I could let myself get, I know without a doubt that this is when God has called me and that I will allow Him to use me as long as He would have me there to reach as many people as possible. And that is why I do what I do.